Tonight after the kids went to sleep I was vegging in front of the TV, watching Death Race. I enjoy watching things blow up when I don’t really want to think. It was a nice relaxing do nothing evening. Of course there are a ton of things that I should’ve been doing, but I just didn’t seem to have the drive to do them. Then while I was thinking about what I would use for my picture today I saw the Oxygen mask, that the firemen left last week when they were here for Jacob’s Asthma attack. It was just sitting there on a shelf. I’m not sure why we’ve kept it. But there it was. A reminder of that night. One of my toughest nights as a parent. So I spread it out on the table and snapped a picture.
I’ve been wanting to write about that night ever since it happened. I started to the night I spent at the hospital with Jacob. First with the few paragraphs I scribbled out that Melissa posted for me, Followed by a few more thoughts that I tried to scribble but were never clear enough to even type up. Looking at the mask tonight though it brought back some of the thoughts and feelings I had that night. Sitting in the Ambulance riding to the hospital. Jacob was screaming. He didn’t want to go to the hospital. The seatbelt on the stretch bothered him and he spent most of the riding crying, All I could do is it next to him and try to comfort him. It was a hard ride, the hardest part was feeling helpless. It’s a feeling that I felt the second time Jacob went to the NICU when he was just a couple of days old, and not one I wanted to relive. But there I was riding in the back of an ambulance feeling it again. It didn’t really leave the entire time he was in the hospital. Once we knew the treatment was working it was easier, but it took so long. Today Jacob seems almost 100%, he’s still on his puffers, but we’ve had no more real incidents and he seems to have his usual energy levels back. Here’s hoping that we can catch any future incidents before they need a stay in the hospital.