Last night on my way to bed I stood and watched my little girl sleeping. As I watched her was two thoughts com into my mind, one she doesn’t look herself without her hair and to how precious she is to me. As I stood there I heard her little snores and was reminded about Monday, surgery day. The day they take away her snores.
I am not sure how much of it she understands, all I am sure of is that she is scared, she said to me the other day that she likes her snores and doesn’t want them to be taken away. She was also somewhat shy and withdrawn during our tour on Wednesday when the nurses were talking about any of the real medical stuff. While was interested in walking around the hospital and enjoyed doing the hair of one of the nurses, but she wouldn’t put on the finger heart rate monitor or the blood pressure cuff. Of course she isn’t the only one who is nervous, and as I right this I’m starting to realize that I’m more nervous then I thought I would be. It’s my job to protect her and on Monday when she goes with the nurses into the operating there will be nothing I can do for her. She will be in the doctors hands. It’s a scary thought. We thought this procedure through when the doctor first suggested it, we know it’s the right thing for my little girl. I know it will work out in the end, but this will probably be the most painful thing she will experience in her young life and I came supposed to just send her to it with a smile on my face?
When Melissa and I discussed the need for this procedure we weighted the pros and the cons. Looked at it logically and choice to go forward with it, thinking it was the best for Violet. Today as I write this and think about what my little girl will be going through in 3 short days, I’m not so sure. Well it’s not that I’m not sure, I believe that it’s the right thing to do. I know that it will be better for her in the long run, but I can’t help but think of what she’ll face in the short-term. I want to protect her from the pain of surgery. I don’t know how I can hand her over to the doctor and say hurt my little girl. I know that’s silly. Even as I look at the words I realize it’s not what I’m doing. It’s just I want to keep her from harm and on Monday I don’t think she’ll think I’m doing a good Job of that.
I’m also surprised how much the restriction of having only one parent in the recovery room is bothering me. While we were on the tour they showed us the recovery room and explained that it can be a busy place so only one parent is allowed to be there with her. I knew that would be Melissa, even before talking to her about it. But now as I sit here thinking about the day, I really wish we both could be there. I want to be there for the two most important women in my life, and the thought of not being able there to comfort both of them saddens me. I know it’s a simple procedure and I know I’m probably just over thinking the whole thing. But I can’t help it, she’s my little baby girl…